Ever have those moments (days, weeks) when you sense God is about to polish some rough edges off of you? Do you cringe? Worry? Get angry? Or try to wriggle out of His grip? I hear ya. That’s where I am now. It’s coming, and I’m not very comfortable. I’ve tried wriggling, I’ve tried fretting. I think now I’m at the cringing part.
The other day I ordered something unusual online. What makes it unusual is it’s something I don’t actually need just yet. “Mobilegs” were dropped off at my front doorstep a few days ago. They’re a new kind of crutch that I thought would help immensely – be “so much easier than the old style”– when I have hip surgery. You see, thinking ahead, I want to build up my arm strength. I want to become more stable on them. Besides, I read the horror stories on the internet from people who have used regular crutches, and I thought, “There must be something better out there.”
Well, the Mobilegs are great. Very lightweight, ergonomic, all that. But guess what? The work is still hard. I don’t have ANY arm strength. (Today—my arms are KILLING me, and that’s after 5-10 minutes—tops—of using them.)
The hardest part of this whole deal won’t be the building up of arm strength, however. I don’t think it will even be the pain that occurs after surgery. No, I’m pretty sure the real challenge will be not doing things on my own. The real challenge will be allowing people to wait on me. Wait! I’m the person who waits on others! “I can do this myself!” Right?
I’m seeing several lessons here. I am extremely thankful that God has connected me with an awesome physical therapist whose been working with me for several years, helping me to gain strength. God’s timing is impeccable in leading me to be physically and mentally ready for the surgery. (Although I firmly believe He heals miraculously, this seems to be the answer for me right now). He has put many health professionals and friends in my life who have been encouraging me and helping me along the way to prepare during this time. It’s just been amazing. I’ve learned so much about the body He’s given me.
I hear God reminding me that just like I’m building up my arm muscles, I need to keep building up my faith muscles. With His help, I’m trying. At least this part’s not painful; it’s really a blessing.
It will be interesting to see how that German stubbornness, that “ya magoo dilliet etta,” (“I can do this” in Russian), attitude will change. I plan to keep leaning on the One who made me. I want this to be a strength-building, faith-building, trusting-God-to-make-me-more-like-Jesus experience. But then, when I think of it, shouldn’t every day be like this?
Thank you, Lord, for your never-ending mercy. Thank you for hearing my cries and my joys, and answering my prayers. Thanks for smoothing out those rough edges, even when it’s painful. I will cling to You, Father. In the midst of it, I will cling to You.
God bless you this day, my friends. It’s the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!