Do you ever just not pay attention?
Sometimes, when I waitress I find myself asking my customers a question and not even kind of remember what their answer was… not only is it embarrassing, its awfully rude… I catch myself being ridiculous and just not paying attention like this so much more than I would like to admit.
One of my co-workers brought it to my attention that I was repeatedly ignoring him when he was talking to me. I was mortified. I felt like the scum of the earth. And the kicker is I wasn’t even being a brat, I really had completely overlooked the fact that this person was trying to communicate with me. How does someone completely disregard another? And not even notice?! I am so disgusted with myself just typing it out…
I am so grateful for this co-worker; I was before he brought this to my attention. I value him highly, he is someone I would even call a friend. But the fact that he was kind enough to bring it to my attention, to question why I had been acting in such a way. He thought surly he had done something. I found myself at a loss for words trying to explain that it really was only my absolute mindlessness, but I still felt like the words were lost. I could not articulate how I felt. Probably mostly because I wanted so badly for my words to bring back the communication attention I had wished I had been lacking recently.
I asked for his forgiveness. He forgave, and I am so grateful.
But tonight I sit here, heart broken, because I feel like I have had a major character defect revealed to me. There are so many times I wonder, oh God why are we not closer? I just don’t want this distance. And I think it has everything to do with me simply just not paying attention. When my relationship with him feels distant I can venture to guess it has much to do with my lack of attention being paid to him
For in the day that I brought them out of the land of Egypt, I did not speak to your fathers or command them concerning burnt offerings and sacrifices. But this command I gave them: ‘Obey my voice, and I will be your God, and you shall be my people. And walk in all the way that I command you, that it may be well with you.’ But they did not obey or incline their ear, but walked in their own counsels and the stubbornness of their evil hearts, and went backward and not forward. Jeremiah 7:22-24 ESV
I don’t want to be like the Israelites, who just didn’t pay attention to God. They were so concerned with themselves, they complained, they doubted; all because they did not simply turn their eyes towards God. Ugh, it sounds awfully too familiar.
Like I mentioned before, I am so grateful for my friend bringing my weaknesses to my attention. It’s devastating to realize you have been doing something (even if it’s unbeknownst to you) that is harmful or thoughtless, especially if you intended to be doing the opposite. I think I am going to be paying much closer attention; to my surroundings, but especially towards the Lord. Without him I am nothing.
Praying you ladies have a lovely week!
Until next Thursday,