Today Paige Oswald fills in for her mother, writing about a very personal and emotional moment in her life this past weekend.
A few days ago on July 18th while at work, I received a message from my mom saying that I needed to call her as soon as possible. During a free moment I called my mom and she informed me that a classmate in my grade who was a friend of mine took her own life. I was instantly crushed and my supervisor let me go home an hour later.
As soon as my parents pulled up, I found myself embraced in my mom’s arms and I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. Driving home all I could do was ask God “Why was this happening? Why did this girl have to leave this Earth?” If I was asked if I have doubted God in my faith journey, that moment on Saturday would have been one of those times. Why would God allow such a thing to happen to a young girl? She brought so much happiness into the lives of others and so much love. My mom said she couldn’t answer those questions because she didn’t know the answers herself.
As the afternoon became evening, I felt better. I didn’t cry again until I was getting ready to go to bed. I was looking through all my contacts on my phone and then I came across her name. I clicked on her name and just about broke down when I saw her picture staring back at me with that funny smirk she always had. I realized then that I would never hear from her or talk to her ever again. She will never be able to drive (because she wasn’t 16 yet), she won’t graduate high school or get married and have kids someday. She will never get to experience a life past this point. These crazy, but true, facts got to me.
On Sunday I got up for church earlier than usual because I was restless. When we got to church, I was expecting more familiar songs, the kind we normally sang. But that day, they played a new song by Hillsong UNITED called “Even When It Hurts”. Here are a few lines of the song:
Even when my strength is lost
I’ll praise You
Even when I have no song
I’ll praise You
Even when it’s hard to find the words
Louder then I’ll sing Your praise
This song gave me peace. It pulled me into the direction that God needed me to be in. Yes, I still don’t understand why bad things happen to people, especially to those who don’t deserve it. But I know for a fact that counting on God and trusting Him though each and every situation will not only benefit you, but those around you as well.
Over the last few days, I have lost my strength and I don’t have the words to explain what happened with my friend. But what I can look forward to each day is that God will be there. He will always be there, both in the good and the bad. And that is a good enough reason to praise my God.
I have found a perfect Bible verse to cling to during this time which I hope will also be inspirational to whomever is reading this blog:
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:6-7
Praising the Lord always,
The video link below is the song “Even When it Hurts”. I hope you find inspiration in the lyrics if you are currently in pain, struggling or hurting.